Grief and Mourning.
And Pain. A universal emotion that everyone must feel at some point in their lives.
I have felt it in me. I have heard them talk about it...Poets, and thinkers...and the unrequited. About pain's power to consume and of its darkness. I have felt that darkness. I have read poets lament in verse about it and seen the more common of us just give ourselves up to the magnitude of it and cry aloud. Incontrollably and inconsolably. Maybe it's the one thing that unites us all...
Why do I feel pain? Because I love.
I love with all my being-- my heart and my soul. Love and pain are the two things that my heart feels with all its rawness and intensity. It suffocates me. It drives me insane. Sometimes I wish that I wouldn't feel so much. I would give anything to be that stone that stands in the path of everything that strikes it, and yet does not flinch and feels no abrasion.
Cold. Cold and unyielding like that stone. And yet, I continue to feel. With the same passion, so much so that it possesses me. Truly and completely.
I can't breathe. Please take me away.
But there is no one who can take me away. I must face it. It's the only way I can ever merit any honor in my own eyes.
Who are the people of honor anyway? They are those who acknowledge the things and situations that life brings to them. Their courage is of the kind that makes you go down on your knees because of its scaredness and power.
My friend recently lost her love and one of her closests friends. I called her in an attempt to console her. For the next twenty minutes, all I could do is listen in silence as she sobbed on the other end.
I have never felt more helpless; never felt so humbled.
"I can understand what you're going through." But can I really? No. I can't. Not now, not ever. It's pain beyond measure. Beyond my imagination.
I also realized that you can never run away from grief. It always comes back to you. You must stand tall and face it. Do not hunch; hold your shoulders straight. Let it come and let it hit you with full force. At least you will have the comfort of knowing that you bore it with dignity and responsibility.
Perhaps this is what is called "personal growth." Maybe.
Or, maybe it's just that you have no other choice.
It made a lot of things clearer to me. There is too little time to waste. No time to hate, to bicker and to feel grudge and hurt. Even though you feel these emotions, you have to internalize the pain and walk on.
Life is just too short and unpredictable. I have dreams to fulfill and I don't want to die with regrets either. I do have some promises to keep and I have no time to waste. I want my visions realized.
