Drosophila Gene of the Day

"Cheap Date" -- Phenotype: flies are especially sensitive to alcohol. I think I am Cheap Date^‑/-

O_o

In honor of other wanderers

The fact are you are unsettled and a roamer makes you supportive of others who are as well. Empathy for the lack of flagship but admiration for the expansive reach.

My dear friends, go where your dreams take you, and because of you and where you are in the different corners of the world, the world will be my home.

"Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes." ~Henry David Thoreau

Anticipating 1 Year On

What didn't happen today must happen next year. On this same date. I must work harder, be stronger, and act smarter to get this thing in the bag.
In the words of my advisor: there are only two things in life that are for certain. Death and Taxes. While the latter is arguable, especially if you've lived in India, the point is that every thing else is uncertain. If one tries, one might have a 0.00001% chance of success, but still, there is a chance. If one doesn't try, that chance is 0%. If you never try, you'll never know. (I think that's by Coldplay. Great minds think alike?)

Moral of the story: It is difficult to win popularity contests, but I must bite the bullet. Let's hope the others will measure us for mettle.

And after all, its nice to have goals. HHMI, my eyes are on you.

Departure of Closeness

This year marked a birthday that came and went without a shiver. A birthday that in the past was very important to me. A person so dear. Oh dear. How things change.

This year came the final closure, the indifference, the final letdown. Even though it happened gradually over the year, I am still not sure how to feel.

Should I feel guilty,
ashamed,
bothered,
or in pain?
Or is it okay
to not be bothered,
ashamed,
or in pain?

I guess as years go by, I'll know in retrospect. I'll know what I should've done instead. Hopefully, it will be a good lesson, and not an embittering experience.

So, I will end this by just sharing a song that I came across because of a friend. Not very poetic, but very accurate. For all its eloquence, no one does blunt better than routine and/or colloquial English.

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset
I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Sara Bareilles - King of Anything

Heart

"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Foremost a quote from the Bible, but I will forever know it as the inscription on the Potters' grave in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

But where is my treasure? What is my treasure? I know not. But, here's to hope. One day, I will find my treasure, my home.

Cheers!

N00b

I would like to take this opportunity to officially geek out on my blog. For those of you who don't know, I moved to a different research laboratory about a month ago, and as a consequence also shifted my research area. I now work on the brain. Still a cell biologist in the making, but now also a neuroscientist. Hopefully, a good one.

For the past month, I've been trying to build a background in this field and well, it is very difficult to keep things straight. But I can't help but link this page here, since this is what I mainly focus on.

Now I can truly say that I love what I do, and that is my freedom. I do what I love, and that is my happiness.

Now just keep me in your thoughts, and wish me luck. Once more.

The Addiction Begins

As of yesterday, I think I am addicted to cigarettes. I recently bought a new pack, and yesterday when I forgot to carry it with me, I just bought a new one without qualms. Today, removing the child-protection from my lighter with a set of pliers feels the most natural thing in the world to do.

Ah, how I had hoped this day would never come and if I could just go by having an occasional cigarette now and then. I guess I am turning into my father, and like him I will have no one to blame later. Please God, make my dearest and me lucky. Let this habit leave us just as it came, before its too late.

In That Vein

Speaking of how I've changed over the past years, I have a close friend from Italy who trained me in doing science. 2 years ago, whenever she'd talk about going back to Europe, I'd be very upset and tell her that she shouldn't go. She should stay here. I was holding on to her for some reason. I didn't want her to go.

Now, she's finally finished her Ph.D and she's leaving to accept an awesome scholarship at Max Planck. And I am completely okay with her leaving. I am not upset and I don't care that much that she's leaving. And I wasn't sure why that was. Was I less selfish than I was before? Or was I just happy for her now, knowing that she won't be happy here? Or worse, was I apathetic? I don't have a best friend, like many people do, and a lot of my close friends aren't close with me anymore. Because of various reasons. So naturally, it makes me think that perhaps I don't care about people that much anymore. I sincerely hope that's not so.

But perhaps, what it is is that I am growing more and more independent as years pass. Independent, even of people. Of course, I am also in a good place at the moment, and you tend to need friends the most when you're in a bad spot. So on the subject of independence, time will give the final verdict. But yes, I am less needy now. I am now capable of letting go of a really close friend who was like an elder sister to me. Who cared for me and listened to my minor woes that seemed so major in my head. Perhaps a consequence of growing up is that the larger scheme of things become more apparent and you stop being needy.

I still love her very much and I will always keep in touch with her. But I am no longer needy. I don't need her to be around for my sake. She can be anywhere and we will always be great friends.

Congratulations, Sara! And Cheers! I'm coming after you, right to Germany. You wait and see.

Lazy

For many days now, I have been trying to understand what happened to my energy. I have become so unbelievably lazy in this past year, it's not even funny. There are many times when I go to bed hungry, because I am too lazy to cook. Or I'll call out of a class sick, because I am too lazy to read the boring paper.

Yet, I love to print these papers, with the intention of eventually reading them. To make plans to do good things...like being on top of my reading, my experiments, my data analysis. Then I feel really good, until I realize I didn't do any of these things. In other words, I just set myself up to let myself down. I really want to do these things but I don't. So clearly its not a motivation problem. Or is it? I am not sure what is the cause of all this and its starting to bother me now. Do I have ADD? Or some other problem?

I can't even blame my lacking time management skills anymore. I do grad school. That's it. For real. No extracurriculars. No crazy social life. Some travel and concerts/plays/hikes here and there, but still, I have very few commitments. Did undergrad permanently burn me out? I sure hope not because I do want to continue learning for the rest of my life. I just want to know how our brain works, and I just want to fulfill this dream of mine and answer a few questions of my own. I volunteered for all of this, made these choices by my own free will. Why is it so hard then to follow through? To put in the hard work?

This is the first time in a LONG time that I've ranted on this blog, but I guess it was long overdue. I want to put a stop to these tendencies and move on. Stop being restless and start being productive. And get enough sleep. It's not that difficult! Jeez.

Quote of the Day

"Notch signaling? Is that when a cell brags to another cell by putting a notch in its belt?" -- KML

Bio geeks, I know you will love this.

Thank You, Queen

And thank you, David Bowie.

There is a reason why this song will never fade, and Freddy Mercury will always be immortal. Thank you for this song, and thank you for how good it makes my day. Wish you were alive.

Queen + David Bowie Under Pressure (1982)

Give love
Give love
Give love
Give love
Give love

Remember, please

During this week, please remember Tsutomu Shimazu in your prayers. You may not know him, but know that he is a good man, of good heart, who needs all the prayers in the world right now.

A postdoctoral fellow where I work, Tsutomu is a very hard working and talented man who has recently been diagnosed with advanced colorectal cancer. I don't know how many more months he has to live, but please pray that whatever time he has left, it be free of pain and may bring him peace. 


Thank you.

The Edison Diner

"Take time to read; it is the foundation of wisdom."

(They also have excellent Bluberry Cobblers!)

Belated

Dear Blog,

Happy 4th birthday, much belated. As always, I appreciate your patience while I ignore you, and your responsiveness when I don't. If passivity be the food of love, stay on.

I have ignored many many MANY impulses to delete my old posts. They are so different, as if from another world, another person. But then, as someone said, one always needs a point to go back to. One needs to remember their origins, where they came from, and how they have changed. Thank you for being that, and much more, and allowing me to reflect upon my past and what I was, who I was. Incomplete chronicles of my not-so-meaningful and meaningful experiences may one day themselves prove very strange, but until then, cheers!

xoxo,
Aditi

Things I forgot

Here's something I made back in May when one of our friends recently gave birth. I am about to mail this to her as a present. Hope she likes it.

Setting down the Weight.

The shower today felt like I was washing off the old experiences from my skin. Cleaning out the negative emotions from my soul. Just regrouping myself and aligning my thought process. I know my goals for now, and I must focus. There is no more time to be wasted. Leaving that place felt so good, so right that it was almost amazing that it didn't occur to me to do it before.

I do sincerely hope that in the future, I focus on what I want to do and what makes me happy, rather than get swayed by competition, a desire to be in the news, in everyone's attention, trying to do science that my heart is not in. I do hope that I use this experience to guide my future, but not to bias it. I hope that I can recognize a bad situation before I put too much heart, soul and sweat into it.

In short, I want to remember three things that others have put into words wonderfully:

1. Be in the present. - Many people have said this now. Don't know the source.
 Enjoy the moment you are in right now, because this unique moment will never come again. I don't want to get caught up in the past or get swept away (or bogged down, depending on my mood!) by the future.

2. Doing what you love is freedom, and loving what you do is happiness. - A Fortune Cookie.
I want to be free. I always want to be free and therefore, I must always do what I love. This does mean more time spent figuring out what I love, but the reward of doing what you love can only be felt by your soul. Your motivation to work hard, do better and create comes from here. I never never want to forget this.

3. If you are too busy, you are probably wasting your time. - Francis Crick.
I am reading a book on Neurophilosophy right now, and it affirms that the things our brain does the best, it does them very slowly. Like "chewing-on-the-cud sort of way," as Patricia Churchland puts it. This was almost an epiphany. I mean, we all know that whatever we cram, we forget. I've known this too and never thought about it. However, now I must think about it. THINK about it everyday. I must remember, and be very careful, to not make myself so busy that I have no time to read, to develop ideas, and to basically think and develop my creativity. I don't want to be a pair of hands, or a brain on a stick. I want to be a good scientist.

Ah, and more on Neurophilosophy as I make progress with the book. In the meantime, if you're curious, you can also check out Brain-Wise by Patricia Churchland. I'm totally blown away.

Posterity

So, if I ever have kids with an American man, I am going to give our kids Chinese names. Why? Because well, its only fair if they have names that neither of their grandparents can say. If they have Indian names, his parents can't say them, and if they have American names, my parents won't be able to say them.

For now, the top two choices are: Xiaoqi and Xingyang. Or Yangxing. Other suggestions are welcome. Japanese names will also be accepted.

Oh, P.S., I found a dollar in my pocket today.

Katahdin

I cannot believe I climbed a mountain this September. Maine is probably one of the best places to grow old in, except when you have arthritis, in which case you'd probably want to grow old someplace cooler.

I was lucky enough to camp on the North Twin Lakes, courtesy some good friends and a very caring significant other. Watching the sunset over those waters, jumping in and wading in, knowing that the water was cold, knowing I cannot swim. And the stars! I have never before seen the Milky Way with my eyes, and when I did, it just blew me away. We are such a small entity, buried within so many universes, and yet we are so great in our heads. If I were to step outside my head and look at myself: an insignificant human being on the face of a unique planet. That's what I mean to the rest of the cosmos. I came, I created, and then I left. Maybe I left behind what I created, or who I created, and maybe I didn't.

But I wonder if an outsider can just look at the Earth anymore, from the cosmos. I doubt they can peer past the cover of satellites all around us, even if they manage to part the curtain of millions of light years. We are surrounded by debris. In our bodies, in our homes, our neighborhoods, on our planet, and now, outside it. Being in Maine almost made me sad for the Earth. What have we done? And there is no going back either. Perhaps I should just invest in one of those post-apocalyptic realty they are building in undisclosed places in the US, to prepare for doomsday. (I kid you not, pick up the Oct. 2010 issue of Popular Science, "The Future of the Home.") For $50,000, I get life "assurance," they say. Rest assured, you will be able to wake up and wail upon the state of things and despair, when it all finally ends.

But then at the same time, being in Maine made me feel so glad to be alive. Every moment that I was counting stars, watching the docks rise and fall with the wake of boats, riding the waves and the wind on jet skies, and climbing mountains, I was thankful. I was thankful for a functional body and a functional brain. Thankful for these somehow partly untouched pieces of the World where I can have a completely personal, wonderful experience. Learning things about myself. Did I ever think I could climb a 5,700 ft mountain? No. But I was arrogant going up, and humble coming down.

"Dreams of mountains, as in their sleep they brood on things eternal."

Bookworm

Just a cheap little post, to let you all know I am still here. Been reading a lot of books lately. I can't believe how much I used to love and how much I miss reading.

A complete list of what I have read (including my reviews of most books), what I am reading and what I will read can be found here: Goodreads, if you're interested.

Sigur Rós

I don't know the source of this picture, but whoever took it probably didn't know they'll make my day someday.

Jónsi with Elena, Georg's daughter. öxnadalur, 2006.

Spreading this Snippet

In every word I write
in ever poem made
in every friendship lost
in every love that fades
there is a special place
held deep inside your heart
for the ones that helped it mend
or the ones that tore it apart
In every dampened day
in every tear that’s shed
for all the happy people living
and for all the living people dead

-Anonymous

Practice

No post-production. All rights reserved.

"Everything worth knowing leaves bruises."

Kolniður og myrkur úti
En í mér, ríkir óveður

Kolniður og dimmur lekur blek
Ég reyni og brenni báta skel

- Jónsi

The Unforgettable May 17th

Today is possibly one of the worst days of my academic life. After working hard (or, so I thought) for over 12 hours, all the experiments failed and all protocols yielded no results. Today, I seriously doubted my capabilities to be a researcher - had I really chosen the right path for myself? Because how is it that when someone does the same thing in parallel with you, with same procedure, same reagents and they get a positive result and you don't. And this happens 9 more times. With 3 different experiments.

What is the answer? What is wrong with me? Will they stop trusting me soon and not give me any work because I will keep screwing up and pushing them back? Being a hurdle, instead of help?

I want to be ready. I want to get this right. And I am trying really hard, but its so discouraging when simple protocols that work for EVERYONE else, fail only for you.

Shimbun

Because this word has been stuck in my head for three days now, for no reason. Shimbum, Japanese for newspaper.

On Googling this,  I found this top Japanese daily, Yomiuri Shimbun. Here it is for you, if you're curious (translated in English, of course): http://www.yomiuri.co.jp/dy/

This also reminded me of a recent discussion I had with a friend on the censorship of News in the American media. Apparently, most news breaks on international news channels first, before it breaks on American news channels because of stronger censorship laws. Now, being a journalism minor for 4 years and never having bumped into this made me feel a little cheated. Why did all of my professors forget to mention this? Regardless, I am on a mission to find out how true this is. I am going to compare BCC to CNN and see what the deal is. Maybe even Speigel, the German daily.

International Space Station

ISS flew over Rutgers today, from 9:01 p.m. to 9:07 p.m.. I couldn't take a picture but this person certainly did. And many thanks to Gizem for finding this for me, and bringing a smile to my face!

Image courtesy: R Vandebergh

I wish I was there to see it as it happened, but alas, there is always next time. 

[A more detailed image is here.]

A Haiku for Me by Jenn-i-Fa

Aditi, My Love 
two roads intertwined as one 
forever and always 

-- JH

Inspired in Philly

Friends of mine are creating a website called Inspire Me Philly where they are trying to seek out the inspirations this city holds in the cracks of its pavements, its skyscrapers and fountains. They are doing this by asking those who've felt it. Felt the inspiration seep into their hearts from the pulse of this city.

This got me thinking about my own reasons for being so in love with Philadelphia. I mean, really, hopelessly, and madly in love. It is because this city has character. In my limited travels, only two cities have made it to my list of such cities. The other is San Francisco. It is like I have two loves, two hubs, on the two ends of this country.

One of the crucial things that give any city the significance it has are the people. People color their city and give it the character it has, leave their footprints behind for others to observe, followed and be inspired by. I was reminded of this fact, just on Thursday when I had come to Philadelphia for a dental appointment. I am estranged with my dear Philly right now and any chance I get to come back is taken. Thus, I may or may not have purposely planted all my necessities here. My friends, boyfriend, dentist, ob/gyn, concerts, races...and my treasured professors. It's like I have a satellite life here.

On Thursday, one of my favorite professors was in town to give one of his storytelling performances. His name is Philip Poczik and I am a fan of these stories. I've heard them I don't know how many times before. I have a copy of each of them too, autographed as well as electronic. I have a poster of one in my room, but all that is irrelevant. What I really want is for you to understand why I love them so much. I want to share what I value in stories, these, and in general. I know the words, but I need to hear them over and over again, to be reminded of the teachings the stories carry. The teachings in his stories for one, come from personal experience, and second, they are truly a part of what inspires me to lead my life the way I do. It is like, he has had those personal experiences, and he has synthesized the teachings and realizations from these experiences into stories for everyone to be inspired by.

It's not like better stories have not been written. Some of his stories aren't even complete. The fact that they are personal, and that I hear it from the person who bled them from his heart onto paper, is what makes them for me. That discourse is precious. I will appreciate your fiction more if it has grounds in your reality, because that is what I am curious about. I want to know if you have felt what I have felt, and what you have learned that I didn't.

So, on Thursday, I was reminded of how to love. How to be in any kind of relationship with another human being. And I was grateful, again, for the umpteenth time.

A brief introduction to Philip Poczik, created by Jai Rice.
Inspire Me Philly

Must Remember My Loves

An attempt to stuff this in my memory, and hopefully to-do list.

Photography
Rock Climbing
Ballet
Japanese
Writing

The Loop

Today, I was randomly thinking of a quote from the Road by Cormac McCarthy. "You remember what you want to forget, and you forget what you want to remember."

Now, your chain of thought is heavily dependent on where your mind has lately been. You agree, right? So emerging from a flood of studying biological systems and how efficient they are, I thought of this and wondered if it means that our memory storage and retrieval system is inefficient. Why this thought was significant enough for me to put it down here was this:

Suppose if you had a memory that was voluntary, aka, you had control over what you put in this storage system and what didn't make the books. You did this over a period of time. You'd forget things that you want to forget and remember what you want to remember. Think about that, and tell me, would that distort your reality at all?

You would literally be able to believe what you want to believe, because what you don't want to believe, doesn't exist. You have forgotten it. Crazy, huh?
So, this must mean that memories are imperfect to enable us to live a fuller life, more in touch with reality through realizations (you need to remember experiences to be able to realize something from them, I assume). But is that what memories really do?
Memories help you to hold on to things, whether it is love, or a grudge, or just a beautiful time in your life. Memories also mould action, some give it a fancy name of conditioned learning. And action is character. So memories mould character. Memories enable obsession and psychosis. Memories help you build preconceptions and prejudices. Yet, prejudice and preconceptions are limiting. So do memories really enable a fuller life? Thus this argument is circular. What is the purpose of memories? What was the purpose of evolution of memory in evolution of multicellular life?

Remember to remember that you remember. To what end?

Surreal 'n' Freal!

A spectacle that can be felt across continents must be incredible to experience. Can you imagine smelling the sulphur and walking in the falling ash that came from a mountain across another country, or even a continent?
I certainly can't imagine it, but I know this would be an experience worth living. Maybe it'll be a diffused, diluted glimpse into what Pompeii must've felt like.

Seems perverted almost, but another winner for Iceland in my diary.

[Icelandic volcanic ash suspends airlines across Europe.]

Knotted

"Hearing your laughter
smooths and flattens the wrinkles
of my ruffled life."

-Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

Other favorites:

"Sunlight finds a way
of always decorating
your eyes just for me."

"The smell of fresh rain
is blowing through your hair and
wrapping around me."

"The sound of your heart
is a tiny orchestra
playing just for me."

"I will remember
every detail of your face
for all of my life."

"When old age finds us
will all the cracks in your hands
match the cracks in mine?"

"All of my mornings
are such perfect mornings to
wake up to your eyes."

Fifty Reminders

Courtesy of Ben Jones, MIT.

1. Your friends will change a lot over the next four years. Let them.
2. Call someone you love back home a few times a week, even if just for a few minutes.
3. In college more than ever before, songs will attach themselves to memories. Every month or two, make a mix cd, mp3 folder, whatever - just make sure you keep copies of these songs. Ten years out, they'll be as effective as a journal in taking you back to your favorite moments.
4. Take naps in the middle of the afternoon with reckless abandon.
5. Adjust your schedule around when you are most productive and creative. If you're nocturnal and do your best work late at night, embrace that. It may be the only time in your life when you can.
6. If you write your best papers the night before they are due, don't let people tell you that you "should be more organized" or that you "should plan better." Different things work for different people. Personally, I worked best under pressure - so I always procrastinated... and always kicked ass (which annoyed my friends to no end). ;-) Use the freedom that comes with not having grades first semester to experiment and see what works best for you.
7. At least a few times in your college career, do something fun and irresponsible when you should be studying. The night before my freshman year psych final, my roommate somehow scored front row seats to the Indigo Girls at a venue 2 hours away. I didn't do so well on the final, but I haven't thought about psych since 1993. I've thought about the experience of going to that show (with the guy who is now my son's godfather) at least once a month ever since.
8. Become friends with your favorite professors. Recognize that they can learn from you too - in fact, that's part of the reason they chose to be professors.
9. Carve out an hour every single day to be alone. (Sleeping doesn't count.)
10. Go on dates. Don't feel like every date has to turn into a relationship.
11. Don't date someone your roommate has been in a relationship with.
12. When your friends' parents visit, include them. You'll get free food, etc., and you'll help them to feel like they're cool, hangin' with the hip college kids.
13. In the first month of college, send a hand-written letter to someone who made college possible for you and describe your adventures thus far. It will mean a lot to him/her now, and it will mean a lot to you in ten years when he/she shows it to you.
14. Embrace the differences between you and your classmates. Always be asking yourself, "what can I learn from this person?" More of your education will come from this than from any classroom.
15. All-nighters are entirely overrated.
16. For those of you who have come to college in a long-distance relationship with someone from high school: despite what many will tell you, it can work. The key is to not let your relationship interfere with your college experience. If you don't want to date anyone else, that's totally fine! What's not fine, however, is missing out on a lot of defining experiences because you're on the phone with your boyfriend/girlfriend for three hours every day.
17. Working things out between friends is best done in person, not over email. (IM does not count as "in person.") Often someone's facial expressions will tell you more than his/her words.
18. Take risks.
19. Don't be afraid of (or excited by) the co-ed bathrooms. The thrill is over in about 2 seconds.
20. Wednesday is the middle of the week; therefore on wednesday night the week is more than half over. You should celebrate accordingly. (It makes thursday and friday a lot more fun.)
21. Welcome failure into your lives. It's how we grow. What matters is not that you failed, but that you recovered.
22. Take some classes that have nothing to do with your major(s), purely for the fun of it.
23. It's important to think about the future, but it's more important to be present in the now. You won't get the most out of college if you think of it as a stepping stone.
24. When you're living on a college campus with 400 things going on every second of every day, watching TV is pretty much a waste of your time and a waste of your parents' money. If you're going to watch, watch with friends so at least you can call it a "valuable social experience."
25. Don't be afraid to fall in love. When it happens, don't take it for granted. Celebrate it, but don't let it define your college experience.
26. Much of the time you once had for pleasure reading is going to disappear. Keep a list of the books you would have read had you had the time, so that you can start reading them when you graduate.
27. Things that seem like the end of the world really do become funny with a little time and distance. Knowing this, forget the embarassment and skip to the good part.
28. Every once in awhile, there will come an especially powerful moment when you can actually feel that an experience has changed who you are. Embrace these, even if they are painful.
29. No matter what your political or religious beliefs, be open-minded. You're going to be challenged over the next four years in ways you can't imagine, across all fronts. You can't learn if you're closed off.
30. If you need to get a job, find something that you actually enjoy. Just because it's work doesn't mean it has to suck.
31. Don't always lead. It's good to follow sometimes.
32. Take a lot of pictures. One of my major regrets in life is that I didn't take more pictures in college. My excuse was the cost of film and processing. Digital cameras are cheap and you have plenty of hard drive space, so you have no excuse.
33. Your health and safety are more important than anything.
34. Ask for help. Often.
35. Half of you will be in the bottom half of your class at any given moment. Way more than half of you will be in the bottom half of your class at some point in the next four years. Get used to it.
36. In ten years very few of you will look as good as you do right now, so secretly revel in how hot you are before it's too late.
37. In the long run, where you go to college doesn't matter as much as what you do with the opportunities you're given there. The MIT name on your resume won't mean much if that's the only thing on your resume. As a student here, you will have access to a variety of unique opportunities that no one else will ever have - don't waste them.
38. On the flip side, don't try to do everything. Balance = well-being.
39. Make perspective a priority. If you're too close to something to have good perspective, rely on your friends to help you.
40. Eat badly sometimes. It's the last time in your life when you can do this without feeling guilty about it.
41. Make a complete ass of yourself at least once, preferably more. It builds character.
42. Wash your sheets more than once a year. Trust me on this one.
43. If you are in a relationship and none of your friends want to hang out with you and your significant other, pay attention. They usually know better than you do.
44. Don't be afraid of the weird pizza topping combinations that your new friend from across the country loves. Some of the truly awful ones actually taste pretty good. Expand your horizons.
45. Explore the campus thoroughly. Don't get caught.
46. Life is too short to stick with a course of study that you're no longer excited about. Switch, even if it complicates things.
47. Tattoos are permanent. Be very certain.
48. Don't make fun of prefrosh. That was you like 2 hours ago.
49. Enjoy every second of the next four years. It is impossible to describe how quickly they pass.
50. This is the only time in your lives when your only real responsibility is to learn. Try to remember how lucky you are every day.

Be yourself. Create. Inspire, and be inspired. Grow. Laugh. Learn. Love. 

[The source blog entry is here.]

Being God

Random thought I scribbled in my diary towards the end of March: Only God can take the pain and responsibility of being God.

Of stomaching the blame, of shouldering the questions, of hearing the prayers without judgment.

This isn't by any means a religious thought (though admittedly, it does come across as something straight from the Bible) but it is why I believe in God's greatness. This is why I am spiritual. This is why I know I am a lucky human being, whose mistakes have been forgiven and whose sincere endeavors have been blessed. Someone up there has me in their good books, and I can only hope to deserve them.

How do I know this? Because people with similar circumstances and opportunities as myself have not experienced the same great things as I have. Clearly, this is not just about my abilities. A series of events and people have to line up perfectly in place for things to come out fruitful at the other end. Someone or something is making it all work for me. This could be random. Or not. It could very well be the universe conspiring to give me what I want, or what I need.

I choose to attribute the random positive and negative outcomes in my life to a higher entity, for better or worse. Without this meaning, my whole existence will collapse. I choose to believe without evidence, without pressure.

Yes, I do this with greed. I hope to be blessed with a balanced state of mind, and a peaceful inner self. I hope to be given the tools to achieve this. To be able to appreciate life and those that make it truly meaningful for me. To keep close everything that gives me ambition, inspiration and purpose. To be able to see the signs planted in my path and give significance to my life, by leaving behind good, positive memories. Maybe some useful traditions, and hopefully a culture of respect. A true legacy.

Unproductivity: Day 3

Today was...noteworthy. I don't know how else to put it. Doing cervical dislocations is not my thing. It never will be. But I will do them and I hate myself for it.

However, talking to an old friend after a long time, does help. It's almost like introspection.

O Re Mann

मैं तो किसी की होके ये भी ना जानी,
रुत है ये दो पल की या रहेगी सदा|

जो बरसे सपने बूँद बूँद,
नैनों को मूँद मूँद...

Click Click

I sometimes like to pretend that I know a thing or two about photography. This is the result. These are my favorite orchids: The Yellow Dancing Ladies. Can you spot the lady?

                                                      Copyrighted Image. All rights reserved by me. :)

Mystery Resolved

I finally found out where this "anonymous" quote is from that I blogged about 4 years ago.

It's from the Broadway Musical "Wicked!" Of course I could've just asked so many of you who know this, but then I wouldn't be feeling this thrill that I am feeling now.

Today is an overcast day full of smiles.

Oh and I have a new friend, Mark. He makes me Truffles. Yay!

Big Wig

This man is my new hero. All Hail Noboru Mizushima.

Considering that I am now officially in the Autophagy field, I have a lot to catch up on. This one process in our cells, which we take for granted, much like that the other garbage removing analogs in our society, is so crucial that its malfunction is enough to make your system go haywire. There is so much unknown that the one thing we can be thankful for is that the field of molecular biology is advanced enough to give us tools to study it. Increases your respect for scientists in the 60s who figured out so many mysteries just by the virtue of their brilliance and perseverance.

Year 1. Day 1. Let's see if I can find my place in this circle of life, this wheel of fortune. A year from now we'll review my progress, here on this space or who knows where. Wish me luck (and good data)!

Another First

My first time with acrylics. Actually my first time painting since I was 10.

First thing I've learned is the difference lighting can make to a painting. Both pictures have come out nicer than the real version, which is not as decent. If I reduce the light, you can see less of the color mixing mess, so it looks better I guess. I have to work on fixing that.

Second, if a painting ends up looking weird when it wasn't supposed to, give it a name. This will make people go, "Aaah, Aaaaaart." So, this wasn't intended to have a name, but when I started out I wanted to show the journeys of an indian woman, and her identity, which is metaphored as her saree in here, as her only anchor.
Hence, this is called "Journeys of An Indian Woman."

Aaah. Art.

A Conjecture

Finding it extremely difficult to wrap my mind around the Breakthrough of the Year.

If only I didn't learn by visualizing, abstract science might be easier. Whether it is an advantage or a disadvantage, I am yet to find out.

Snakes

Always, always beware of snakes. Especially when you go to a really competitive graduate school.

Today is moping day in commemoration of my henceforth shed naiveté. You may mourn.

Iz LOLcat

I lyk. Moar heer.

Iz funi.

Wear Sunscreen

No, seriously, she means it.

It Rains Less Ordinary

My dear folks,

Yesterday was a truly special day. After torrential rain on Saturday, it was time for me to pack my bags and head for heartland, rain or shine (or lack thereof). So I did and it was a cheerful Tom Sawyer who stepped out of the apartment, bag and baggage in tow. That is to say, with a spring in my step, a  song on my lips and alacrity in my heart. Well, at least that's how Mark Twain would've put it, I'm sure.

There are no Rutgers buses until after 10 a.m. during spring break. No worries, me thinks. I will walk to the train station. It ain't that far. So I started out, and scarcely had I reached the end of the block, I see the looming and completely drowned Johnson Park ahead of me. The geese were SWIMMING in it, ladies and gentlemen. Oh well, I must've underestimated the rain. 

It might've been a better idea to turn around because a few yards further, the road was submerged too, apparently a spillover from the park. Little cars were finding it tough to make it through the gap, and I was in no mood to wade across. Wet clothes = a cold me. I decide to wait for the next car. I'll just ask them to get me over this gap and drop me off on the other side a few feet away where it was dry. I hail an approaching pick-up truck, driven by a really kind Portuguese man, as I was to find out shortly. 

The man agreed to drop me of the other side of the water "gap", shall I call it? I climb into his car, bag and baggage included, a little scared because I've never really just climbed into a stranger's car. Oh well, necessity calls for desperate measures. As soon as we're about to drive forward, the man's pal materializes from thin air on the other side of the road. "Ya don't know how deep it is in the middle. Turnaround and go the other way." Uh oh. Should I get off?

Turns out that the man had to pick up some girls from the station who had been hired to clean their office. So he was going my way, thankfully and agreed to take me all the way to my destination. I've also never really hitchhiked before, and I just hoped that this man was nice and had good intentions, and nodded along. If it was any other way, I was going to open the door of the moving car and jump out. Well, obviously not. I had no plan B. I kept reminding myself that this is not India, and I am relatively safe riding in a stranger's car. 

Indeed, he was a very kind man. We started talking and I found that he's an immigrant from Portugal, he'd moved when he was 18 and had spent the past 37 years in the U.S. Arrived with a meager borrowed sum and runs a $35 million business today. Works in construction; as a son. He works hard and minds his own business. He didn't mind driving me through quite roundabout routes because RT 27 and 18 were flooded and closed at various points, causing us to be stuck in traffic. I neglected to ask his name but as I got off his car, I think for the first time in my life I said "God bless you" to someone, truly grateful to my stars. I hoped karma was watching for the sake of this man. 

The rest of the story is rather mundane, but I'll finish for the sake of finishing. The reached the station but it was closed due to a power outage along with all the ticket machines, so I boarded the 30 minute late train without a ticket, and got to the connecting station. Got on the wrong train in the direction I had just come from, got off at the first stop, took the train (which was also 20 min late) back to the connecting station and boarded the right train, and finally arrived in the City of Brotherly Love, into the arms of a pretzel and familiarity.

O what a day!

P.S. Language Rooms at the Wilma Theatre is worth checking out. 

Over and out!

Documentaries

Today is a day of documentaries, and five are on my current list:

1. Darfur Now.
"A gripping insight into the tragic genocide in Darfur, this documentary highlights the work of six individuals who have taken a role in trying to stop the killings and help the millions of suffering residents of the region." I believe I saw this two years ago, but I am ready for a re-run!

2. Beer Wars.
"With her entertaining documentary, Anat Baron ushers viewers into the backrooms and breweries of the ultracompetitive beer industry and reveals what it takes for independent brewers to compete with the corporate giants who dominate the business."

3. The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive.
I have no Netflix blurb for this, but suffice it to say that it was created by Stephen Fry.

4. Born Into Brothels.
"It is a portrait of several unforgettable children who live in Calcutta's red-light district, where their mothers work as prostitutes to ensure their survival." Finally checking out the hype.

5. Plastic Bag.
"This short film by American director Ramin Bahrani (Goodbye Solo) traces the epic, existential journey of a plastic bag (voiced by Werner Herzog) searching for its lost maker, the woman who took it home from the store and eventually discarded it."
 
Am I missing any good ones? Recommendations are welcome!

Red Beauty

I just saw a red bird, with a black colored patch under the beak and on the neck, outside my apartment. And a sweet cry. Quite reminded me of some of my childhood days that were spent in my village, where every morning was a conference call of birds. So many different soothing sounds!

Do you happen to know which bird it could be, and where it is native to?

3/11/10 Kevin told me it was a Cardinal. Yay!

Risque

"Great love and great achievements involve great risk."

 

If this doesn't say "I love you," I don't know what does.

Another Distraction

Today, I was very happy to discover that I don't actually have to join Twitter to follow some profiles. Therefore, after much ado, I have started going through Stephen Fry's page regularly, albeit on a friend's recommendation.

I was impressed from the get go, and I am not surprised he has 1.3 million followers worldwide. Here is what caught my eye:

"Someone to Fry: Still can't believe you like Duran Duran though. They're so unbelievably shallow.
Fry: Whereas most pop music is so ... mmm profound? What's wrong with shallow? Most deep people are appallingly unlovely ..."

I was also pleased to read right after that he is a GaGa fan. Good taste, good taste. In case you want to join in on the awesomeness, his page is listed under "Distractions" on this blog.

O Ye Young Lochinvar

Of all the things we were forced to recite in elocution, this stayed with me (and proved very handy for Valentine's Day wooing). Turns out, my education did some good after all. Who'd have thought?   
...
Lochinvar

A Mid-Winter Night's Chase

For my brave fellow-adventurer: Yee-Mey Seah.

Whoever thought that staying indoors with a cup of warm, indulgent hot chocolate and plush slippers after a 14 hour long blizzard, obviously didn't know the joys of snow-wrought explorations. What do I mean? You're about to find out.

Necessitated by unavoidable circumstances, which include lack of money and a lack of an air conditioner in my room, I decided that the purchase of a cheap, window air conditioner at some point before summer is inevitable. I felt real smart after I made that decision, so smart, in fact, that I was convinced that this needs to be done after an exceptionally heavy blizzard that had left my surroundings looking like they just jumped out of a Christmas postcard. You with me so far? Good.

Yee-Mey and I on an AC chase. Includes an elusive apartment, a potentially rollerblading asian wife, deja vu and numb toes.

--
This post was started three years ago, on February 26th, and never finished. Clearly, at that time whatever must have seemed like a good reason for not finishing it was very trivial because I do not remember why I didn't.  I have left the original above as it is, because what I am about to write is from a faded memory, and a very different writing style.

It was tough to find the apartment. We had never been to Russell apartments before. So we walked around the grad student housing trying to find it, and when we approached the Rutgers Residential life building, we realized we'd come too far, and backtracked on the same godforsaken path around what looks like a series of pipes and tanks (beyond the parking lot facing the life sciences building). At this point, we were very cold. Me having neglected to wear gloves and a hat again, trying to have a conversation with my face feeling like it was going to fall off. Yee Mey on the other hand, was doing considerably better - carrying just as heavy bag as I did from our first year classes, and just as cold but still telling me about her undergrad adventures quite spiritedly. I remember her telling me about the first time she went ice-skating and kept slipping, and actually almost slipped as she demonstrated how she slipped. Quite a good demonstration, I would say.

Well, we finally arrived at the house, after calling the lady and somewhat understanding what she was saying. This is where this picture was taken by Yee Mey on her phone. Yes, this was when her phone was not quite so smart.

Anyway, we are let in and we go to look at this HUGE airconditioner, that I was specifically told was NOT HUGE and that it was a window AC. She looked at me with slight anger, as if my surprise was unwarranted, and that it was my fault that two of us weren't going to be able to lift that monstrosity of a device, and therefore, were sorry but we couldn't buy it.

And hence, we returned, each to our abode after a fun journey with a perfectly anti-climactic end. It was rather amusing at the time. 

The main reason, however, I finish this post not due to the amusement we got out of it, but rather I want to acknowledge this girl who's been such a wonderful friend in all years since and would probably go walk with me on absolutely pointless chases, in absolutely horrendous weather. All while telling me stories! So, thank you, Yee Mey! I am really lucky to have you as a friend. :)

Iceland

Before I go, this place has made it to my most sought after destinations. It is worth it to sell my life away for a salary, just to be able to see this someday. I want to experience this wonder before climate change makes this a distant memory for all of us.

Dear Iceland,

You are beautiful.

xoxo,
Aditi

(And no, its not just because of Sigur Ros, even though they are pretty banging.)

Hiatus

Announcing a brief hiatus from ramblings until more pressing things have passed. Aka exams. Which means that I will stop updating my blog for a long time, as I've frequently done, only this time I am announcing it formally. Redundant I suppose.

On a side note, I might have discovered (or just re-found) a small motivational drug: curiosity. We do all sorts of crazy things, adventure sports, trips and travels alone to unknown places even though we are scared because our fear is overshadowed by curiosity. In an academic context, if you review new material the same day, you will have more interest in studying in rather than weeks later before an exam, when it has become old and uninteresting. I guess that's why they tell us to be regular.

In the meantime, please feel free to respond here with fun, creative things I could do after this craziness is over. Remember, you will be earning karma points for helping keep my spirit alive.

Also, if you are in a generous mood today (and want more karma points!), please give some dolla dolla bills to cancer research, if you can.

Emo

 

You understand, right?

A Message

"Trudging through slush and nastiness while you have to poop really bad: horrible. Coming home to an awesome postcard: priceless! There are some things money can buy. For everything else, there's an awesome gf!"

Bodies 'R' Us

If you decided you visit my blog today, you are probably bored on a weekend. Let me entertain you.

I have a task for you right now: feel your body. Become aware of it. What is it that its doing while you're reading this?

Why must you do this? Because your body is amazing, and if you ever need to experience a wonder and miracle, just look at the shell that's carrying you. Now, let me convince you of this with my limited knowledge of biology.

Aside from the greatest instrument you'll ever own, it itself is the great instrument there is. Plus, its 100% biodegradable. Can you imagine that? Not even your teeth and skull will remain if they aren't fossilized. You have the most sophisticated code for the most sophisticated information inside you. Your DNA. The best electric circuits, that come with their own damn insulation, are inside you. Your nerve cells. The best motor engine that never needs an oil change is right inside you. You can ever hear it in silence. How we ever got over this and stopped appreciating it, I don't know.

In the words of Paul Hawken:

"In each of you are one quadrillion cells, 90 percent of which are not human cells. Your body is a community, and without those other microorganisms you would perish in hours. Each human cell has 400 billion molecules conducting millions of processes between trillions of atoms. The total cellular activity in one human body is staggering: one septillion actions at any one moment, a one with twenty-four zeros after it. In a millisecond, our body has undergone ten times more processes than there are stars in the universe, which is exactly what Charles Darwin foretold when he said science would discover that each living creature was a “little universe, formed of a host of self-propagating organisms, inconceivably minute and as numerous as the stars of heaven."

Read that again. Slowly. Think about it. As you are sitting down and reading this, your body has performed one septillion functions. 24 zeros. And all this in one second. It looks something like this:

                                                              Courtesy: NCBI. The Molecular Biology of Cell.

And this is just one cell, showing only 500 of those processes, because all these processes cannot, not by a human, not by any computer, be fit on one page even if you abbreviated everything. If that doesn't make you feel awesome, I don't know what will. As you are complaining about your body and how undesirable it looks, it has performed one septillion functions. All at once. Dude.

There is a universe inside of us that we are totally, completely unaware of. We don't realize and appreciate the efficiency of our body until we fall ill, of course. If you ever need to feel lucky, just take one good look at your body as it is leaning on the chair, carrying your consciousness. And it does it so well that you are able to completely ignore it and worry about other seemingly important things like how you look, what you're wearing, if you sound smart when you talk or if you can pull off the latest fashion gig on this body of yours.

So look at yourself and be inspired. Your genome, just by the difference of a few base pairs, sets you apart from the rest of the world. You are a miracle of born out of many million probable events during fertilization of egg by the sperm, and you, you were the result. One out of many million. That is how rare you are. Even your fingerprint will tell you that there is no one else quite like you in this world.

You are unique and you are awesome. Love yourself.

Happy Valentine's Day,
Aditi

[Recommended reading: Paul Hawken, University of Portland Commencement Speech, 09]

Thursday Night Musings

Bare flesh
bare bones
A barely bare soul

You silently count how many times
he blinks
As he says,
"I love you so much."

You exhale dim fog onto his hair
Like a prayer
Wonder why you don't feel
the Weight
Wonder if you would shake the stars
with your laughter
sincere
severe
Wonder if you would wake the neighbors

You watch his eyes dilate as you
turn up the light
as if you willed them to widen
as if amazed at your energy
your synergy

You watch his gaze soften as you
purse a smile
"It's been a while."

A while since we
created electricity
built castles
experienced forever
but never
have we ever
cut ourselves open

You look upon his signature
on your waist
now dry
And wonder why
it changes color

But nothing lasts forever
The signature
The laughter
The prayer.


[Thanks Nuyocrian,
for the inspiration.]

Our Kind

Before you start reading this, make sure you are seated comfortably and have some time to make believe. Okay, great. I want you to imagine yourself as an outsider, a stranger to this world of humans, looking in. Say, you are a little, harmless alien from the planet Pop in the galaxy Bop, who just happened to land on Earth when spat out on the other end of a black hole. You understand their language-- any and all, but you have no knowledge of this race. You've never seen it before, know nothing about it and its history. The point is, would human beings make sense to you? This is not a rhetorical question.

My answer is no. Human beings are, by far, the strangest creatures that have existed. We are the walking, talking paradoxes of this civilization. We took the soil of this planet and created our own majestic and glorious landscapes. We created information, then found ways to spread it everywhere, at once. We tamed our environment to our advantage, bent and broke Nature's rules and lived to bear the consequences. Without regret, without shame. As if it was our birthright. Homo sapiens is our name, entitlement is our fame.
We are creators of writing, weapons, science, literature, satire, punishment, humor, ranks, empires, societies, religions, laws, morals, houses, the perception of loneliness, conquests, philosophy, government, transgenic nature, modified babies, artificial intelligence, purchasable wives. Heck, we are almost God. Perhaps that is why we have left God. Or God has left us. Faith is increasingly leaving us too, resulting in empty existences without purpose, or even an apparent illusion of it.

As our technological progress disproves the existence of God, Magic, Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Miracles, Heaven, Hell, Love At First Sight, Wisdom of Old Age, and Shooting Stars, where do you go for comfort? When you know that it is Acid Rain that falls from the sky, would you still want to dance in it with your dearest?

Information is the new morality. You do, or don't, because you know.

We are growing in our ability to label a child's energy and enthusiasm as ADD, an old person's forgetfulness as dementia, a lover's broken heart as a depressive disorder, a mother's concern as an anxiety disorder, referring them to physicians and counselors. Now, more than ever.

In a world where all are diseased, a prescription has more value than a warm hug. We are increasingly substituting our time for our money. It is our emotions that make us unique (I mean, even dolphins and chimps are intelligent), and yet we're trying to get rid of them faster than we got rid of small pox. And we're succeeding. In this overcrowded world, there is no space for people to breathe, and there is certainly no room for emotions. The miracle of the pain of child birth being the same for every mother, whether human or any other mammal, is lost. The beauty of a newly sprouting leaf on a dying plant is inconsequential. You don't need a friend, you need a psychiatrist for emotional well-being. You don't need passion, you need porn for good sex. You don't need to be comfortable in your skin, you need a nose job to fit in.

Thus, we are discounting the existence of emotions, constantly striving to be more efficient, disease-free, in-control and "perfect" to fit in this ever "progressing" world. De-humanization is the way to go. The only way you survive. Then, we suddenly realize we are lonely and isolated, and wonder how we got that way. Now, lamenting humanity and the current state of affairs is almost as effective as reflecting on the meaning of Life. The damage is, and has been, beyond repair. We are the moths that rush towards the candle, lured by the light, only to be singed by the flame. Maybe a looming apocalypse is much needed to bring us back to being human. Maybe everything needs to be eroded and washed away with the wind so that we can finally see our roots again. Maybe in the face of an Armageddon, we will see our true priorities.

Would you want to bury your memories in a capsule for someone to find? Invest all your savings in real estate on the Moon? Watch one last sunset with those you love, before its all over?

A future where even memory will not survive is quite dreadful and beyond imagination. Many have seen wars, but we are yet to see an end of the World. Yet, I wonder what kind of legacy we will leave behind for the survivors of this apocalypse.

Will they still see the Sun in a blue sky? Will they even know the different colors? Will they know what Love was? Will they find our footprints in the soil? Will they look upon the remains of our civilization with wonder? Will they learn of our misdeeds and condemn us? Or will they dismiss us like a stain on the extensive fabric of time? Will we forever be forgotten?

In the light of our inevitable end, what matters?

This is not a rhetorical question.

Raptored

Hey, a short life of glory is worth more than a long one of misery, right?

Created by Oatmeal

Fav!

I forget how many tough loves this poem has helped me endure. Here it is, for your calm and comfort.

After a While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.