In That Vein

Speaking of how I've changed over the past years, I have a close friend from Italy who trained me in doing science. 2 years ago, whenever she'd talk about going back to Europe, I'd be very upset and tell her that she shouldn't go. She should stay here. I was holding on to her for some reason. I didn't want her to go.

Now, she's finally finished her Ph.D and she's leaving to accept an awesome scholarship at Max Planck. And I am completely okay with her leaving. I am not upset and I don't care that much that she's leaving. And I wasn't sure why that was. Was I less selfish than I was before? Or was I just happy for her now, knowing that she won't be happy here? Or worse, was I apathetic? I don't have a best friend, like many people do, and a lot of my close friends aren't close with me anymore. Because of various reasons. So naturally, it makes me think that perhaps I don't care about people that much anymore. I sincerely hope that's not so.

But perhaps, what it is is that I am growing more and more independent as years pass. Independent, even of people. Of course, I am also in a good place at the moment, and you tend to need friends the most when you're in a bad spot. So on the subject of independence, time will give the final verdict. But yes, I am less needy now. I am now capable of letting go of a really close friend who was like an elder sister to me. Who cared for me and listened to my minor woes that seemed so major in my head. Perhaps a consequence of growing up is that the larger scheme of things become more apparent and you stop being needy.

I still love her very much and I will always keep in touch with her. But I am no longer needy. I don't need her to be around for my sake. She can be anywhere and we will always be great friends.

Congratulations, Sara! And Cheers! I'm coming after you, right to Germany. You wait and see.