Lazy

For many days now, I have been trying to understand what happened to my energy. I have become so unbelievably lazy in this past year, it's not even funny. There are many times when I go to bed hungry, because I am too lazy to cook. Or I'll call out of a class sick, because I am too lazy to read the boring paper.

Yet, I love to print these papers, with the intention of eventually reading them. To make plans to do good things...like being on top of my reading, my experiments, my data analysis. Then I feel really good, until I realize I didn't do any of these things. In other words, I just set myself up to let myself down. I really want to do these things but I don't. So clearly its not a motivation problem. Or is it? I am not sure what is the cause of all this and its starting to bother me now. Do I have ADD? Or some other problem?

I can't even blame my lacking time management skills anymore. I do grad school. That's it. For real. No extracurriculars. No crazy social life. Some travel and concerts/plays/hikes here and there, but still, I have very few commitments. Did undergrad permanently burn me out? I sure hope not because I do want to continue learning for the rest of my life. I just want to know how our brain works, and I just want to fulfill this dream of mine and answer a few questions of my own. I volunteered for all of this, made these choices by my own free will. Why is it so hard then to follow through? To put in the hard work?

This is the first time in a LONG time that I've ranted on this blog, but I guess it was long overdue. I want to put a stop to these tendencies and move on. Stop being restless and start being productive. And get enough sleep. It's not that difficult! Jeez.