Being God

Random thought I scribbled in my diary towards the end of March: Only God can take the pain and responsibility of being God.

Of stomaching the blame, of shouldering the questions, of hearing the prayers without judgment.

This isn't by any means a religious thought (though admittedly, it does come across as something straight from the Bible) but it is why I believe in God's greatness. This is why I am spiritual. This is why I know I am a lucky human being, whose mistakes have been forgiven and whose sincere endeavors have been blessed. Someone up there has me in their good books, and I can only hope to deserve them.

How do I know this? Because people with similar circumstances and opportunities as myself have not experienced the same great things as I have. Clearly, this is not just about my abilities. A series of events and people have to line up perfectly in place for things to come out fruitful at the other end. Someone or something is making it all work for me. This could be random. Or not. It could very well be the universe conspiring to give me what I want, or what I need.

I choose to attribute the random positive and negative outcomes in my life to a higher entity, for better or worse. Without this meaning, my whole existence will collapse. I choose to believe without evidence, without pressure.

Yes, I do this with greed. I hope to be blessed with a balanced state of mind, and a peaceful inner self. I hope to be given the tools to achieve this. To be able to appreciate life and those that make it truly meaningful for me. To keep close everything that gives me ambition, inspiration and purpose. To be able to see the signs planted in my path and give significance to my life, by leaving behind good, positive memories. Maybe some useful traditions, and hopefully a culture of respect. A true legacy.