Setting down the Weight.

The shower today felt like I was washing off the old experiences from my skin. Cleaning out the negative emotions from my soul. Just regrouping myself and aligning my thought process. I know my goals for now, and I must focus. There is no more time to be wasted. Leaving that place felt so good, so right that it was almost amazing that it didn't occur to me to do it before.

I do sincerely hope that in the future, I focus on what I want to do and what makes me happy, rather than get swayed by competition, a desire to be in the news, in everyone's attention, trying to do science that my heart is not in. I do hope that I use this experience to guide my future, but not to bias it. I hope that I can recognize a bad situation before I put too much heart, soul and sweat into it.

In short, I want to remember three things that others have put into words wonderfully:

1. Be in the present. - Many people have said this now. Don't know the source.
 Enjoy the moment you are in right now, because this unique moment will never come again. I don't want to get caught up in the past or get swept away (or bogged down, depending on my mood!) by the future.

2. Doing what you love is freedom, and loving what you do is happiness. - A Fortune Cookie.
I want to be free. I always want to be free and therefore, I must always do what I love. This does mean more time spent figuring out what I love, but the reward of doing what you love can only be felt by your soul. Your motivation to work hard, do better and create comes from here. I never never want to forget this.

3. If you are too busy, you are probably wasting your time. - Francis Crick.
I am reading a book on Neurophilosophy right now, and it affirms that the things our brain does the best, it does them very slowly. Like "chewing-on-the-cud sort of way," as Patricia Churchland puts it. This was almost an epiphany. I mean, we all know that whatever we cram, we forget. I've known this too and never thought about it. However, now I must think about it. THINK about it everyday. I must remember, and be very careful, to not make myself so busy that I have no time to read, to develop ideas, and to basically think and develop my creativity. I don't want to be a pair of hands, or a brain on a stick. I want to be a good scientist.

Ah, and more on Neurophilosophy as I make progress with the book. In the meantime, if you're curious, you can also check out Brain-Wise by Patricia Churchland. I'm totally blown away.