Things I forgot

Here's something I made back in May when one of our friends recently gave birth. I am about to mail this to her as a present. Hope she likes it.

Setting down the Weight.

The shower today felt like I was washing off the old experiences from my skin. Cleaning out the negative emotions from my soul. Just regrouping myself and aligning my thought process. I know my goals for now, and I must focus. There is no more time to be wasted. Leaving that place felt so good, so right that it was almost amazing that it didn't occur to me to do it before.

I do sincerely hope that in the future, I focus on what I want to do and what makes me happy, rather than get swayed by competition, a desire to be in the news, in everyone's attention, trying to do science that my heart is not in. I do hope that I use this experience to guide my future, but not to bias it. I hope that I can recognize a bad situation before I put too much heart, soul and sweat into it.

In short, I want to remember three things that others have put into words wonderfully:

1. Be in the present. - Many people have said this now. Don't know the source.
 Enjoy the moment you are in right now, because this unique moment will never come again. I don't want to get caught up in the past or get swept away (or bogged down, depending on my mood!) by the future.

2. Doing what you love is freedom, and loving what you do is happiness. - A Fortune Cookie.
I want to be free. I always want to be free and therefore, I must always do what I love. This does mean more time spent figuring out what I love, but the reward of doing what you love can only be felt by your soul. Your motivation to work hard, do better and create comes from here. I never never want to forget this.

3. If you are too busy, you are probably wasting your time. - Francis Crick.
I am reading a book on Neurophilosophy right now, and it affirms that the things our brain does the best, it does them very slowly. Like "chewing-on-the-cud sort of way," as Patricia Churchland puts it. This was almost an epiphany. I mean, we all know that whatever we cram, we forget. I've known this too and never thought about it. However, now I must think about it. THINK about it everyday. I must remember, and be very careful, to not make myself so busy that I have no time to read, to develop ideas, and to basically think and develop my creativity. I don't want to be a pair of hands, or a brain on a stick. I want to be a good scientist.

Ah, and more on Neurophilosophy as I make progress with the book. In the meantime, if you're curious, you can also check out Brain-Wise by Patricia Churchland. I'm totally blown away.

Posterity

So, if I ever have kids with an American man, I am going to give our kids Chinese names. Why? Because well, its only fair if they have names that neither of their grandparents can say. If they have Indian names, his parents can't say them, and if they have American names, my parents won't be able to say them.

For now, the top two choices are: Xiaoqi and Xingyang. Or Yangxing. Other suggestions are welcome. Japanese names will also be accepted.

Oh, P.S., I found a dollar in my pocket today.

Katahdin

I cannot believe I climbed a mountain this September. Maine is probably one of the best places to grow old in, except when you have arthritis, in which case you'd probably want to grow old someplace cooler.

I was lucky enough to camp on the North Twin Lakes, courtesy some good friends and a very caring significant other. Watching the sunset over those waters, jumping in and wading in, knowing that the water was cold, knowing I cannot swim. And the stars! I have never before seen the Milky Way with my eyes, and when I did, it just blew me away. We are such a small entity, buried within so many universes, and yet we are so great in our heads. If I were to step outside my head and look at myself: an insignificant human being on the face of a unique planet. That's what I mean to the rest of the cosmos. I came, I created, and then I left. Maybe I left behind what I created, or who I created, and maybe I didn't.

But I wonder if an outsider can just look at the Earth anymore, from the cosmos. I doubt they can peer past the cover of satellites all around us, even if they manage to part the curtain of millions of light years. We are surrounded by debris. In our bodies, in our homes, our neighborhoods, on our planet, and now, outside it. Being in Maine almost made me sad for the Earth. What have we done? And there is no going back either. Perhaps I should just invest in one of those post-apocalyptic realty they are building in undisclosed places in the US, to prepare for doomsday. (I kid you not, pick up the Oct. 2010 issue of Popular Science, "The Future of the Home.") For $50,000, I get life "assurance," they say. Rest assured, you will be able to wake up and wail upon the state of things and despair, when it all finally ends.

But then at the same time, being in Maine made me feel so glad to be alive. Every moment that I was counting stars, watching the docks rise and fall with the wake of boats, riding the waves and the wind on jet skies, and climbing mountains, I was thankful. I was thankful for a functional body and a functional brain. Thankful for these somehow partly untouched pieces of the World where I can have a completely personal, wonderful experience. Learning things about myself. Did I ever think I could climb a 5,700 ft mountain? No. But I was arrogant going up, and humble coming down.

"Dreams of mountains, as in their sleep they brood on things eternal."

Bookworm

Just a cheap little post, to let you all know I am still here. Been reading a lot of books lately. I can't believe how much I used to love and how much I miss reading.

A complete list of what I have read (including my reviews of most books), what I am reading and what I will read can be found here: Goodreads, if you're interested.